Don't Speak to the Parrot!

Mrs. Agathe's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. Oh, and by the way...don't worry about my Doberman. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT under ANY circumstances talk to my parrot!"

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Agathe's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Doberman he had ever seen. But just as she had said, the dog simply laid there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant cursing, yelling and name-calling.
Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

Save the Trees - Don't Use Paper!

Snake Eyes

An old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can't see very well these days."

The Doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

The doctor replies, "What's the problem?
Didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine doc, but I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!

Horsing Around!??!?

Some race horses staying in a stable began talking. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

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